When a parent looks at their child, they see potential—raw, chaotic, powerful, and terrifying in its sheer unpredictability. The question “What do you want to do with your kid?” is deceptively simple. It is not merely about career goals or talents. It is a fundamental moral and philosophical inquiry. It’s about how you intend to shape a person—a future adult—who will carry your legacy and interact with a complex world. Dr. Jordan Peterson, renowned psychologist and thinker, has repeatedly emphasized that parenting is not about control, comfort, or convenience. It’s about raising a competent, courageous, and ethical human being.
In Peterson’s world, the role of a parent is sacred. It is not merely biological but spiritual, moral, and deeply cultural. You are not raising a child; you are forming someone who will one day stand on their own, make decisions that affect others, and either contribute positively to society or descend into chaos and suffering. Therefore, the question “What do you want to do with your kid?” becomes a responsibility as heavy as any in life.
I. The Foundation: Responsibility Before Happiness
In modern parenting, there’s an overemphasis on happiness—keeping the child smiling, satisfied, shielded from discomfort. But Peterson warns against this approach. He argues that children don’t need to be happy. They need to be strong, and strength doesn’t come from safety alone—it comes from responsibility.
He tells parents: Don’t aim to make your children happy. Aim to make them competent. The difference is crucial. Happiness is fleeting and superficial; competence is enduring and meaningful. A child who has never been allowed to fail, to struggle, or to take responsibility will not grow into a capable adult. They will remain emotionally fragile, prone to bitterness, and unprepared for the real world.
So, what do you want to do with your kid? You want to teach them how to carry a burden—their own and one day, perhaps, yours. You want them to stand up straight with their shoulders back, as Peterson famously advises, ready to face the trials of existence.
II. The Tyranny of the Undisciplined Child
One of Peterson’s most provocative ideas is that a badly behaved child is not a free spirit—it is a tyrant in the making. And that tyranny will not be restricted to the home; it will be exported into every classroom, workplace, and relationship that child encounters.
Children must be disciplined. Not punished arbitrarily or ruled with an iron fist, but lovingly, consistently, and purposefully disciplined. Peterson insists that it is not compassionate to allow your child to be socially rejected because you were too afraid to correct their behavior. If your child is the kind that other children avoid, that teachers dread, and that adults resent, then you are not protecting them—you are sabotaging them.
Boundaries, rules, and consequences are not oppressive—they are tools of love. They teach children that the world has structure, that actions have repercussions, and that not everything revolves around their desires.
So, what do you want to do with your kid? You want to teach them to be civil, to behave in ways that earn admiration, not disdain. You want to train them to become someone others invite, not avoid.
III. The Power of Imitation: Be What You Want Them to Be
Children are mimics long before they are rational thinkers. They model what they see, not what they are told. A father who tells his son to be kind but bullies his own wife at the dinner table will raise a cruel boy. A mother who asks for honesty but manipulates everyone around her teaches duplicity. This is why Peterson’s mantra—“Don’t let your children do anything that makes you dislike them”—is so important. It’s not just about the child’s behavior; it’s about who you are in relation to that behavior.
Parents must earn the right to lead by living in a way that’s worthy of imitation. Want your child to be generous? Be generous. Want them to be honest? Tell the truth. Want them to be courageous? Show them what it looks like to stand up for something.
Peterson insists that the best thing you can do for your child is to become a better person. Your character is their blueprint. You are the archetype, the model, the story they will try to live out—whether that’s a tragedy or a triumph depends on how you live.
So, what do you want to do with your kid? You want to become someone worthy of their imitation. Because they are watching you, even when you think they’re not.
IV. A World Full of Dragons: Preparing Them for Suffering
Peterson often says that life is suffering. It’s not meant to depress—it’s meant to prepare. We do children no favors by hiding this truth from them. Pain is inevitable. Disappointment is certain. Death is guaranteed. The goal of parenting is not to shelter your child from this reality, but to equip them to face it with courage and grace.
In his lectures, Peterson uses the image of dragons from myths and fairy tales. The dragon is chaos—the unknown, the fearful, the dangerous. Every child will face dragons. They will lose friends, fall in love and be heartbroken, fail tests, endure illness, and eventually bury the people they love most.
So, what do you want to do with your kid? You want to teach them how to slay dragons. Not by pretending dragons don’t exist, but by walking with them toward the cave and saying, “Yes, it’s terrifying—but you are strong enough to enter.”
Resilience is not inherited; it is forged. Let your child face challenges while the stakes are low, so they don’t collapse when the stakes are high.
V. Meaning Over Pleasure: Teaching Them What Truly Matters
Peterson often emphasizes that life is not about happiness; it’s about meaning. And meaning comes from responsibility, contribution, and courage in the face of chaos. A child who learns this lesson early will live a much deeper life than one who is only taught to chase fun, wealth, or social approval.
One of the most meaningful things a child can do is care for others—siblings, pets, neighbors, even their parents. Assigning chores, letting them help cook, asking for their opinion, and giving them real roles in the family are not just practical—they’re philosophical. You are showing your child that they matter, that their contribution is valuable, that they are not merely consuming life but shaping it.
Children who are treated as future adults—who are expected to grow into people who carry burdens and offer strength—develop dignity. Children who are treated as weak or incapable eventually become exactly that.
So, what do you want to do with your kid? You want to show them that a meaningful life is worth more than a comfortable one. You want to help them find the noble path, even when it’s hard.
VI. The Art of Letting Go: Preparing Them to Leave You
Parenting, if done well, is an act of eventual obsolescence. Peterson describes this with great clarity: the goal is not to keep your child close, but to make them strong enough to leave you and thrive on their own. That is the tragedy and the triumph of parenting. If your child still needs you for everything when they’re twenty-five, you didn’t win—you failed.
Independence must be nurtured from the beginning. Teach them to clean their own room, not because you’re lazy, but because their room is the first place they will confront chaos. Let them make decisions and face the consequences. Allow them to feel the sting of failure so that they learn how to get up again. Teach them to think for themselves, not just to obey.
So, what do you want to do with your kid? You want to make yourself unnecessary. Not unloved, but unneeded. Because if you’ve done your job well, they will walk into the world, not in fear, but in confidence—because you believed in them enough to let them go.
VII. Final Thoughts: The Sacred Role of a Parent
Peterson teaches that life is tragic and beautiful, terrible and redemptive. Parenting is the same. It is full of joy and heartache, laughter and tears, pride and guilt. You will make mistakes. You will say the wrong thing. You will fail. But the child is always watching, always learning, always growing—and if you orient yourself toward truth, love, and responsibility, you will do more good than harm.
“What do you want to do with your kid?” The question echoes with spiritual weight. It is not about shaping a child in your image but helping them discover the best version of themselves. It’s about walking a narrow road between order and chaos, shielding them just enough to let them grow, and loving them enough to correct them.
In the end, you want to raise someone who is better than you, stronger than you, more courageous, more honest, more just, and more kind. You want them to walk through the world not as victims, but as contributors. Not as cowards, but as heroes.
That is what you want to do with your kid.
